Wow, I just happened to stumble across this and found so many similarities between your story and mine! I'm also a Manifesting Generator in Human Design and feel like my interests are constantly being pulled in all sorts of different directions, and this nature makes it hard to feel like I can trust myself and follow through on one specific project. I also grieved the death of my dad in my early 20s and attributed this to losing trust in kind of everything for a long while. But looking back now (and turning 30 next year) has given me the perspective and distance to see how much subtle growth happens when you allow yourself time and space to try.
This is so relatable! I’m at the stage at the moment where I feel the pull strongly to not keep going with my project and let it go before I’ve even given it a real chance. Needed to hear this today!
Oh I'm so glad it reached you! The last stage of the project is the hardest part for me. That's always when I want to burn it all down and flutter on to the next idea. One lesson I've learned is that I have to test my public experiments (aka projects) at least twice -- one "no" is not a large enough sample size for me to draw conclusions from.
I decided to join Substack specifically because I came to terms with the fact that my ADHD was never going to turn 600 pages of notes directly into a book.
Even trying to do piecemeal but long form is proving challenging because I have whatever the opposite of writer's block is. There's too much to capture, at least relative to how much easier (and safer) it is to refine and integrate and explore.
Oh how I feel this hahah. The amount of index cards on my desk right now, begging to be essays or chapters...the first little introduction to this piece was one actually! I wrote it a few days ago in some post-yoga haze, mostly talking to myself. Normally it would've sat for months, but I'm glad to have an outlet where I can experiment with putting these ideas out into the world one by one. And I hear you on the safety piece. It is vulnerable to try in public for sure. Lately I'm trying to just answer one small question at a time.
And I am trying to answer one giant question at a time and anticipate the objections to address. It's such a large cascade, that the ground shifts under your feet, and there are not many people comfortable with that. Perhaps I have to become more comfortable with that being true regardless of my efforts.
It really is. Maybe there is beauty in that discomfort too — I know for me it’s the questions and ideas that made me uncomfortable at first that often shifted my worldview the most. I am grateful to the people who I realize now had to do the inner work in order to share those ideas with the world!
This describes so well a feeling I had for years of never trusting my own perception of the world and always needing confirmation of what I was experiencing from others. I trust myself much more now but have to watch I don't fall into old patterns in times of stress.
oh wow yes, I feel the same way. I had a strange moment a few weeks ago where I was really bothered by someone not seeing my point of view, and later I realized: EYE am the one who has to have confidence in my ideas. No one else can give that to me!
Wow, I just happened to stumble across this and found so many similarities between your story and mine! I'm also a Manifesting Generator in Human Design and feel like my interests are constantly being pulled in all sorts of different directions, and this nature makes it hard to feel like I can trust myself and follow through on one specific project. I also grieved the death of my dad in my early 20s and attributed this to losing trust in kind of everything for a long while. But looking back now (and turning 30 next year) has given me the perspective and distance to see how much subtle growth happens when you allow yourself time and space to try.
This is so relatable! I’m at the stage at the moment where I feel the pull strongly to not keep going with my project and let it go before I’ve even given it a real chance. Needed to hear this today!
Oh I'm so glad it reached you! The last stage of the project is the hardest part for me. That's always when I want to burn it all down and flutter on to the next idea. One lesson I've learned is that I have to test my public experiments (aka projects) at least twice -- one "no" is not a large enough sample size for me to draw conclusions from.
Side note: Your writing is beautiful!!
Thank you 🥹 This makes me think about success metrics for this experiment, too… more to reflect! Thank you!
This came at just the right time!
I decided to join Substack specifically because I came to terms with the fact that my ADHD was never going to turn 600 pages of notes directly into a book.
Even trying to do piecemeal but long form is proving challenging because I have whatever the opposite of writer's block is. There's too much to capture, at least relative to how much easier (and safer) it is to refine and integrate and explore.
Oh how I feel this hahah. The amount of index cards on my desk right now, begging to be essays or chapters...the first little introduction to this piece was one actually! I wrote it a few days ago in some post-yoga haze, mostly talking to myself. Normally it would've sat for months, but I'm glad to have an outlet where I can experiment with putting these ideas out into the world one by one. And I hear you on the safety piece. It is vulnerable to try in public for sure. Lately I'm trying to just answer one small question at a time.
And I am trying to answer one giant question at a time and anticipate the objections to address. It's such a large cascade, that the ground shifts under your feet, and there are not many people comfortable with that. Perhaps I have to become more comfortable with that being true regardless of my efforts.
Rejection sensitivity is... just the worst!
It really is. Maybe there is beauty in that discomfort too — I know for me it’s the questions and ideas that made me uncomfortable at first that often shifted my worldview the most. I am grateful to the people who I realize now had to do the inner work in order to share those ideas with the world!
we're all so lucky we get to witness you keep going! 🫶
Thank you my friend <3 I am a mirror and that bounces right on back to you!!
Always love your writing Lexi <3
Thank you Matilda !! I appreciate you and I'm happy to find your brilliance here!
This describes so well a feeling I had for years of never trusting my own perception of the world and always needing confirmation of what I was experiencing from others. I trust myself much more now but have to watch I don't fall into old patterns in times of stress.
oh wow yes, I feel the same way. I had a strange moment a few weeks ago where I was really bothered by someone not seeing my point of view, and later I realized: EYE am the one who has to have confidence in my ideas. No one else can give that to me!